Blessed

*Another one of those personal posts that I share because I feel like its my therapy. I was reading this blog when I realised how much progress I have made in myself and I feel like when I get my blog made into keepsake books I want to remember patience and perseverance paid off!*

I have written here before about PCOS and how I felt about that - being a 20 year old relatively newly wed discovering having children might require medical assistance, dealing with my own personal feelings about all of that side of things. But really just how I felt complete and incomplete at exactly the same time.

Andy and I are made for us, by whatever force that is - God, Spiritual or fate. Whatever, Andy and I are just custom made for each other.

So when I fell pregnant in January and we started this whole new journey together I wasn't sure how to feel. Sounds crazy because having children was always on the cards for us, having children young was also very likely to be on the cards for us seen as we were married at 19. But this bit was supposed to be difficult, I varied between feeling scared and completely in awe of being pregnant.

Throughout my pregnancy I have talked about feeling ungrateful for this blessing I am carrying because its hard work. It is still hard work and I don't believe I will look back on my pregnancy with completely rose tinted glasses and say I loved it, but I love our child and that's what has made me realise as hard as it has been at times, I would do it all over again. I would change things, I would change my attitude towards certain aspects (!!) but when we finally meet our baby I know I would do it all over again and more if that was necessary.

How do I not feel completely overwhelmed by that?! I don't know, this acceptance just sits better than the guilt I have felt. Past tense now thank fully. It was a part of the process for me. Now I am ready to share so much more with Andy and experience a whole new aspect of our relationship and personalities. I am excited for christmas as a family of three, I am excited just to be a family of three! I know that whatever is coming its how it should be and I am so, so happy to be at this stage in my life.