Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Today I feel grateful

This morning I was in the best of moods, enjoying my pregnancy and happy with how our little life is speeding along at the moment.

Then just after lunch I had a rather rude conversation with someone I wasn't expecting to be rude and I wanted to cry. Since then, all I want to do is cry.

The issue wasn't really an issue and easily rectified but his attitude towards me like I had intentionally wronged him made me feel very upset. So the rest of my day was ruined, my smile a frown and I just want to be in bed.

I am annoyed that I let that one person take away my mood like that because I was genuinely feeling in control of things, achieving and progressing with things that need doing before this baby arrives.
Now I feel as though I need to pause time for everyone else so that I can have a few hours catch up for myself.
Which seems totally selfish considering I was still very productive through the course of the day and evening really, which then makes me annoyed I am annoyed!!!!!

However, I do feel grateful to Andy and the life we currently have. I feel grateful for being able to carry our child and grateful I get to finish my degree. Grateful of the home we have made to bring our child home to, grateful for the support of my family. I really just need to remind myself of my priorities because everything else at the moment is insignificant.

On my pregnancy though, things seem to be going well. I am struggling to find tops that cover me up but I have the band I made in early pregnancy to hide my undone jeans that I will start living in I think - just to make me feel more protected in a weird way.
I am still picking up bits as I visit supermarkets etc so I don't feel stressed about having to buy anything right now. Lovely feeling to be in control of something!

This baby is a wriggler, I am quite sad we don't have anymore scans now but I feel like I want my count down to begin because I just so want to meet our child.
I was thinking this morning, I have to be honest, that the scariest thing I have ever done out of getting married young, degree, choices I have made and even this baby is the mortgage!
I think like everything, a baby, a life together is what you make of it and still I am more afraid of not being able to pay our mortgage than having a baby. I guess in my nieve state I feel I have some control of everything else.

I have said it before but I feel like I am in the right place at the moment, like I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing.

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